he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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