I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
