the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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