And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
