I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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