Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
