Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
