So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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