Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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