so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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