I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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