I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
two words...techno handjob
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
