he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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