I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
