her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
