Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
