Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
