I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
