A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
