and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
