overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
