He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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