This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
