Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
