I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
