does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
