Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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