I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
