Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
