I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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