I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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