Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
