I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
