Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
