hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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