I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
