Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
zippers are such a cool invention
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
