Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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