He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize