Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize