i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
