And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
