The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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