I haven't been this sober since birth.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
