So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
