Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
