yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
