I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
