I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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