dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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