I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
