Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i out mim tonsoeep
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