What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
