Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
did i just pee glitter
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
