Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
