i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
