Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
