Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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