She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i now understand why vodka
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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