I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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