I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
