I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
